Marriage & relationships

Published on 16 March 2023 at 09:23

I found myself but I lost him, & us in our relationship in the process. 

I'm happy and feel internal peace but my relationship is not fulfilling to me

Sometimes I love him & sometimes i don't and I question why we are even still together is it simply due to the amount of years of service. I need so much more than what he'll ever be capable of giving

does that mean I settle for way less than what I know I truly deserve as a sacrifice in hoping something will change and magically get better some how. I think we passed that no return part when you know there's no way of ever returning from what you've experienced and endured. 

I don't want to settle for a relationship out of years Imvested, comfort, & familiarity

 I want real, true undeniable love that just doesn't seem to be present anymore In this relationship

I tried way more than he ever did and that's the sad part to even admit I never wanted to give up on him years ago. But, after his affair, all the lies, games, & manipulation its hard to feel any differently at this point. 

I honestly thought when I was capable of finding & reaching true forgiveness for him & what he did I thought we could start over, fresh & new, with a clean slate, but he never took the opportunity to really start over instead he wanted to pretend like it just never happened

 Whereas, I acknowledge and know without a shadow of a doubt that he was having an on-going affair with a little 23 year old girl

 Not to mention the fact that he's much older and is 53 years old. Our eldest, my step daughter is older than the girl he had an affair with which is just mind blowing & sickening on so many levels! 

 There's a lot that I work on daily but I don't see the point of working on salvaging something that can't be saved. 

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